Warning: This almost essay length post might bore you, but if you want to get to know me a little better and have some time to spare please keep on reading.
In my last post I told you that I have been recovering from an angiogram. While I had lots of time to spare laying down I was feeling lots of things, and this is one of the ways for me to sort things out in my head and organize... well which is to talk to you all. :)
First I have noticed that so many people that I contact either in person or on blogging refer to me as "very nice", "sweet", "lovely", "cheerful" and in some cases they "look up to me" and so on. Some of these descriptions of me makes me blush and humbles me at the same time. Thank you so much for thinking of me that way and I deeply appreciate that.
BUT, I just wanted to clarify that I am not this perfect angelic being or saint, even though I strive to be one someday. Maybe that will happen when I am in my 80s' or so.
I am generally a happy person 90% of the times, pretty optimistic, trying to do good and be helpful and kind to others. Although, I don't think you want run into me when I am in my other 10% of the mood (Mr. TRH might attest to that). I get mad sometimes, especially when things are not fair, I get irritated, I feel envious and can be sad.
I have been in this 10% of me in the last few days and quietly having a self-pity party.
Seems to me that it is a pattern going on that when things are starting to pick up and going well for me, I start having health issues. It has been like that ever since I was little. I remember all the field trips that I had to miss, things that I had to give up because of my medical condition.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, it was the same thing. Just before I started a new job, I got ill and I was hospitalized for a couple months. I was still able to work for this company later on, desperately hoping to save up money for Art/Design school. Guess what? Seven months later, I had problems with my leg and the doctor STRONGLY advised that I should quit working. (I am not going in to the details about my disorder and such in this post, but I wrote about some in this post and this other post).
Since I had to learn how to cope with my disorder and disappointments growing up, I think I became resilient adaptable person and I can go with the flow of life. Though sometimes... I am just tired of this same old same old routine, and want to say "enough already!"
Times like that I just have a good cry and allow myself to be sad...
But you know what? One of the gifts that Heavenly Father blessed me with is that I am quick to redirect my thoughts and get back to the other 90% of myself (the one I like much better).
There are few things that I do to get in touch with my happy self. I am not saying that you need them or anything. You might be someone that never gets sad or you already have some method that works for you. If you are someone like me, these might be some useful tips. ;)
1. I count my blessings. When I am in the self-pity mode, it is hard to do this at first. But hey, seriously, I am blessed with a husband that who loves me and goes the extra, not just mile, some many miles for me. I am blessed with my amazing kids who are healthy and happy. As a mother I am so glad that I am the one with the disorder, not them. We all live under the same roof (so many Tsunami victims/survivors are living separately from their family after 6 months!). We have food to eat each meal, other necessities and more are taken care of too. There are so many others. Sometimes I even write them down to see them, since I am a visual person.
2. I watch, read and listen to anything that lifts up my spirit. It is good to immerse myself in "good things" and soak them up. This sounds simple, but it is very effective.
3. I try not to compare myself or my situation to others. There are always people that are doing better than me; it doesn't matter if it is financial, health, career, looks, and housing. Celebrating the differences and uniqueness instead of being envious is a short cut to inner peace. Also I try to remember there is a season for everything.
4. Reach out. This has two different meanings for me.
I reach out to who would love me and listen to me no matter what. Most of the time, it is Mr. TRH that listens to me. Just letting off some steam (nicely though, you don't want the people around you to get "BURNED") makes me feel so much better.
I reach out to help other people. If my problem is not physical and I am capable, I try to do something good. Feelings of being useful, and making a difference in someone’s life energizes me even though it is something very small.
5. Well, you know me. I sew. That is one of the things that have been a constant in my life. Concentrating my energy in designing and sewing lets me forget the pain and sadness. It is very therapeutic. Also looking at the finished product gives me a feeling of accomplishment.
6. I pray. I am not going to lie, sometimes I just don't feel like it but I do pray anyways. I know in times like that it is more crucial for me to pray. My faith in God helps me to see why I am here and why I need to endure (well, preferably with a good attitude) to the end instead of being in my cave of misery.
I hope I don't sound preachy, but really, all these things help me to be who I am in hard times. I am also aware that there are people with mental illnesses or depression and these things won't help them like they do me.
I am just hoping that you will remember these tips and your little blogger friend on your blue days. :)
